Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] If you were raised in a culture of obedience, whether in a rigid family, a religious structure, a military home or authoritarian system, this episode may resonate deeply.
[00:00:16] Today I want to talk about something many of us were raised inside of, but rarely name. Clearly, being raised not through the dialogue, but through being ignored, being patronized, being explained to, being scolded.
[00:00:37] This is not about blaming parents.
[00:00:40] This is about understanding, conditioning.
[00:00:44] And what happens when that conditioning finally breaks.
[00:00:49] I am on a mile. This is exile and rising.
[00:00:54] This podcast runs without any ads or background music so we can have a clean holding space.
[00:01:02] Please check all the links below in the show notes. Share, donate and support.
[00:01:08] Let's begin.
[00:01:14] What is conditioning of obedience?
[00:01:17] Many people raised in patriarchal or obedience based systems.
[00:01:26] Were not taught how to interact.
[00:01:30] They were taught how to comply, how to obey.
[00:01:35] And interaction involves being spoken with power over systems speaks at you.
[00:01:46] And when a child is consistently ignored, patronized, they adapt and they learn. Don't question, don't interrupt, don't disagree, earn, uh, approval, obey, avoid being scolded and this becomes normal. And what we normalize in childhood and then through our teenage years or being young adult becomes invisible in adulthood.
[00:02:23] And you may grow up and still tolerate being talked over, being corrected, unnecessary, being dismissed, being explained to m, being treated as less informed, less capable and less authoritative.
[00:02:47] Even now you might be in your 60s and 70s with deep knowledge, with deep expertise and wisdom.
[00:02:56] And you still can be part of this dynamics.
[00:03:01] And not because you enjoy it, but because your nervous system recognizes as familiar.
[00:03:10] And this is not weakness, this is conditioning of being raised in power over structures.
[00:03:22] And there is a deep grief when we realize that when awareness, uh, begins, grief follows.
[00:03:29] And as you know, I'm somatic experiencing therapist for PTSD trauma recovery. I work with victims who were in power over dynamics.
[00:03:39] And what I can see in my work with my clients and speaking with other therapists, that grief can be so deep because you realize I spent years trying to prove myself, I did all right for people who were never going to respect me or I try to earn dignity from the systems built on hierarchy and power over systems.
[00:04:17] And to see that it hurts a lot.
[00:04:21] And not because you failed, but because you adapted. Because you never had the choice that child or that teenager or young adult, it was never your choice. And that adaptation, uh, often cost authenticity, cost your own truth. It's costing you of who you truly are, what are your values, what is your true identity.
[00:04:50] And that grief is very, very profound.
[00:04:54] It's deep and it's important because it signals clarity, because after this grief, which we need to hold so gently and safely, something else will arise.
[00:05:10] So this is a typical cycle. I can see in my clients what arises is rage.
[00:05:18] Not chaos, not violence.
[00:05:23] Rage is clarity.
[00:05:26] Rage as a boundary, rage as your nervous system. Finally saying, this is not acceptable with me anymore.
[00:05:37] And that rage is very precise. It's very direct.
[00:05:42] And in trauma healing, we know this anger and rage returns later because first there is a freeze. In obedience cultures, we do adapt most frequently with functional freeze. So we have this freeze which is functional, but still it's a freeze. Then compliance, then proving and efforting to be this good daughter of patriarchy or good son of patriarchy.
[00:06:15] Then exhaustion.
[00:06:17] Usually that exhaustion fall of many illnesses in our body when body stops to function and the body starts clearly to send us the signals.
[00:06:27] I cannot endure this anymore.
[00:06:30] It's too costly.
[00:06:32] And then what we have after awareness is anger.
[00:06:37] And this is not regression anger.
[00:06:42] Rage is recovery.
[00:06:48] This is a very good signal we want to see in a trauma healing.
[00:06:55] Anger is healthy.
[00:06:58] Contained rage is protective because it recognize the first signs of condescension or domination.
[00:07:07] It does not explode, it stands.
[00:07:11] And rage becomes dangerous only only when it's unregulated and isolated.
[00:07:18] So we are talking here about contained rage, which is very precise.
[00:07:24] It says, this is not how I will be treated.
[00:07:30] This is not right. This is not humane.
[00:07:35] This doesn't align with my dignity, with my moral compass, with my values, with me being a human.
[00:07:45] And this is where this extends beyond the family unit.
[00:07:50] Power over dynamics doesn't only exist in households or in, uh, relationships.
[00:07:59] They exist in institutions, workplaces, political systems, religious structures, cultural hierarchies.
[00:08:11] And when many people awaken to suppressed anger at once, then something collective begins.
[00:08:22] Movements. This is how the movement starts.
[00:08:26] And they don't start with chaos. They start with recognition and recognition that being talked at is not the same as being heard or, uh, being governed is not the same as being respected.
[00:08:46] Right. Being corrected, scolded, explained to, or ignored is not the same as being guided.
[00:08:58] And collective rage, please listen my episode. I have episode. The name is collective rage.
[00:09:05] When it's regulated and value driven becomes reform.
[00:09:12] So we know this through the history, through all the protests and marches.
[00:09:16] And this is not destruction. It becomes boundary at scale.
[00:09:21] And it must remain contained because uncontained rage replicates the same power over dynamics it claims to resist. Right?
[00:09:34] And if you recognize yourself in this dynamics, here is a deeper invitation.
[00:09:42] Notice where obedience still shapes your reactions.
[00:09:51] Notice where you still over explain yourself and to whom.
[00:09:58] Name those People name that person, name that system.
[00:10:05] Notice when you tolerate condescension.
[00:10:13] Notice where you shrink.
[00:10:16] And then ask what would contained clarity looks like here?
[00:10:23] Not explosion, not silence. Clarity and healing doesn't mean becoming passive.
[00:10:30] It m means becoming conscious.
[00:10:34] It means your nervous system no longer defaults to compliance.
[00:10:40] It means you can feel anger without being consumed by it.
[00:10:46] And you can feel anger and. And you can express your anger in contained way.
[00:10:56] Not lashing out, but expressing and asserting your boundaries.
[00:11:03] And that's maturity. That's dignity. And this is the practice. It is practice. And it can be so scary at beginning. It can be so scary for your nervous system who learned to obey and follow.
[00:11:20] So please check the links in the show notes where I teach how we move into this space of setting up the boundaries and coming to the place of power within.
[00:11:38] And if you were raised in obedience culture, your anger may be labeled as dangerous. And it's not.
[00:11:48] Unregulated anger is dangerous.
[00:11:52] Conscious anger is direction.
[00:11:56] It's your vitality, it's your moral compass saying, between you and you, this is not okay.
[00:12:06] I don't want to be treated this way.
[00:12:09] I deserve dignity. I deserve respect. I know my human rights.
[00:12:15] And you are not too much for wanting respect.
[00:12:19] You are not rebellious for setting boundaries, and you're not difficult for expecting and requiring reciprocity.
[00:12:33] This is very important.
[00:12:36] Requiring reciprocity.
[00:12:38] Rage, when grounded in ethics and community, is not collapse. It's awakening.
[00:12:46] And awakening when it's regulated becomes a leadership.
[00:12:51] It becomes a change.
[00:12:54] It becomes a sign. We are not going to align with power over dynamics, with tyranny.
[00:13:06] So this is all for today.
[00:13:09] If this resonated, share it with someone who was raised to comply.
[00:13:16] And it's now learning to stand.
[00:13:22] Be clear, be steady, stay human.
[00:13:31] And as always, be gentle with yourself.
[00:13:35] I'm Annamael.
[00:13:37] This is excellent. Rising.
[00:13:40] Until next time.
[00:13:44] Much care.
[00:13:46] Much care.
