Textures of Silence

[00:00:01] Welcome to Exile and Rising. I'm Anna Mail, somatic experiencing therapist for PTSD and trauma recovery. [00:00:09] Textures of silence. [00:00:11] Ask yourself, what texture is this silence I am in? [00:00:19] Not. What does it mean? [00:00:22] Not whether is good or bad, but what texture does it have right now in my body? [00:00:36] What is the texture of silence in this moment? [00:00:50] Tune yourself to notice differences. [00:00:53] Not all silence feels the same. [00:00:58] We have, uh, different textures of silence. [00:01:04] Some silences welcome you, some repel you, some silences you lean into, some you're already trying to escape. [00:01:22] So these are not ideas. These are textures of felt sense. [00:01:28] And this is your body speaking before your mind puts anything into words, before meaning is made, before reaction happens. [00:01:40] So we need to learn how to go back to the Samaritan to somatic experiencing of your body. [00:01:52] And you're losing one of our most essential connection, and that's felt sense proprioception. How do we feel? [00:02:03] How do we feel and sense space around me? [00:02:09] Can I read this room? [00:02:13] Can I read? What's that energy of the room which translates through your felt sense? [00:02:22] Can I trust that? And what is my interoception? [00:02:27] What's happening inside of my body? [00:02:30] This is your intuition, it's your instinct. This is nothing mystical, something you need to gained from outside. [00:02:40] This is your biology. [00:02:44] It is your body ability to read subtle cues in the environment and prepare action before language arrives, before your prefrontal cortex makes meaning and you're losing access to it. [00:03:06] We have lost our relationship with silence because silence is constantly being interrupted by notifications, by texts, invasive commercials, calls, content, sound pollution. [00:03:28] And there is almost no uninterrupted silence left unless you pay and go to the silence retreat. [00:03:38] And because of that, we have lost the ability to read the room, to sense what is unspoken, to trust that, to trust what we sense and what is unspoken. [00:03:59] To notice what is forming before it happens. [00:04:03] To recognize what is already happening but hasn't yet been named. [00:04:15] And through the history we know women, they're more attuned with the felt sense. [00:04:24] And also they have been labeled as crazy ones, as witchy ones, as one who are again making things up. [00:04:44] And we killed that. [00:04:48] We killed our biology, our interoception and our proprioception to read the cues. [00:04:57] This is one main ability of your nervous system. [00:05:04] Your nervous system is detector of textures of silence. And intuition is not disappearing because people are broken. [00:05:19] It is disappearing because the conditions required to sense have been stripped away. [00:05:30] So as you listen, drop into silence not as absence, but as information. [00:05:38] There is so much into the silence. [00:05:41] Silence is actually Very, very alive space. [00:05:49] It speaks volumes. [00:05:53] And we need to remind. [00:05:56] So it's not that we need to learn, we need to remind. That's our innate biology. [00:06:02] We need to remind our nervous system how to read through the felt sense, through the texture. [00:06:11] Because silence is not neutral and we have different. So, uh, I'll just name a couple of different textures of the silence. [00:06:23] Uh, silence is a moment before harm happens and it's a moment after harm. [00:06:40] Anyone who survived abuse knows quality texture of that silence. And for many people, that quality of silence, that texture of silence is where they lived for a very long time. [00:07:03] And that's why if you have a friend who is continuously filling the gaps of silence, who cannot be in a silent, uh, room, be gentle with your friend, Be gentle with your friend. [00:07:30] Because most likely that's the reason why they cannot be with the silence. Because trauma is not integrated. [00:07:47] So with that texture of silence, that silence can carry terror, freeze with alertness, hesitation. That's the texture of that silence. [00:08:03] Hesitation, slowness, intensity, freezing, floating, confining, heavy. So these are not metaphors, these are thought textures of silence. [00:08:23] And don't be afraid to have that felt sense in your body, because when you read to detect those textures of silence, you will be able to act on it. And by acting on it, you will have more control of your escape, of setting up your boundaries, of leaving, of saying no. [00:08:54] And these are very real felt sense in a body. [00:08:58] And body speaks in unspoken words. It's so intelligent. [00:09:03] And your work is to learn that, learn that language of unspoken words, to learn how to decode what is not just, what is not right, what needs to be reported, what needs to be grieved. [00:09:21] And this is not about hyper vigilance, this is about discernment. [00:09:29] So that's um, one texture of silence. [00:09:34] That's one texture of silence. [00:09:38] And silence is not only dangerous, there is also the silence of excitement, the stillness before an important event. [00:09:55] It's a different quality of silence. [00:09:58] That's the pause before celebration, before you need to deliver something important. [00:10:10] Silence can be a moment where you anticipate something so joyful. [00:10:21] Silence can be a moment when you're waiting at, ah, the airport for a gate to be open so you can see a person you missed so much. [00:10:39] So what is the texture of that silence? [00:10:46] Expanding, flowing, full, vibrant, connected, solid, hazy, surging, trembling, pulsing, tingling, fidgeting, right? [00:11:12] Warm, round, floral, soft. [00:11:21] So let yourself feel the difference. [00:11:25] You know that silence as well. [00:11:33] It's a complete different quality of silence than the one when you are threatened. [00:11:42] All Is welcomed. [00:11:44] Your body is always trying to protect you, always. [00:11:51] And to welcome you. Then we can have a silence of uncertainty. [00:11:59] So no danger and no safety. [00:12:03] The reason why I'm recording this. [00:12:07] We will as globally as citizens, as a nation, no matter where you live. [00:12:18] We are entering into. And we already entered in the time of deep uncertainty. [00:12:25] And your nervous system needs to expand capacities to hold that state. [00:12:34] To hold that state. [00:12:37] People who are coming from displacement from the war, they absolutely have a, uh, big capacities in their bodies to keep uncertainty. [00:12:57] And not only people who are coming from war. If you're living in economical uncertainty, poverty, medical uncertainty, right? [00:13:10] So you know that space. [00:13:15] And what is the texture of this silence? [00:13:20] The pause where something hasn't resolved yet. [00:13:26] What's the texture? [00:13:29] It's floating. [00:13:31] Weighted. [00:13:33] Constricting, Prickling. [00:13:37] Cold, tense. [00:13:40] Earthy. Uh, grainy, Icy, Narrow. [00:13:53] And also those felt senses are welcomed. [00:13:58] They're telling us something. [00:14:00] Don't be afraid of those felt senses. [00:14:03] On you is how can I decode that? And how can I use them in my best interest? [00:14:12] What do I need to do with this? You cannot escape. [00:14:15] We cannot escape political uncertainty we are all feeling now. [00:14:21] Or economical uncertainty. [00:14:26] And this quality of silence, this texture of this silence is often where people rush to meaning, to certainty, right? It makes sense to decisions made too fast. [00:14:41] But this texture asks you to stay, to stay, to assess, to use your critical thinking and to make right decision. Not from the place of urgency. [00:15:02] In a place of uncertainty. [00:15:05] People move to addictions so quick and so fast not to feel that, right? [00:15:17] So antidote would be, hey, how can I hold the texture? [00:15:25] It's a different type of silence. [00:15:30] What do I need to do to feel better about this? [00:15:34] Maybe I just need to sit and welcome all of this. [00:15:40] And then. [00:15:42] Then I can reassess what my body is telling me. [00:15:50] What can be certain in this moment? Well, what's certain in this moment is I can feel what I feel. And that's very real. [00:16:00] And it matters. [00:16:06] And one certain thing, what I can do in this moment is to be gentle with myself. [00:16:19] Or to take care of my body in a healthy way. [00:16:24] Or to take a walk. [00:16:30] Or to structure my day hour, uh, by hour. That's very certain, right? [00:16:37] That's something I can control. [00:16:40] So that would be your inquiry. [00:16:48] Also. We have a silence of stillness. [00:16:52] And silence of stillness comes with solitude. [00:17:00] It's a pristine place. [00:17:04] It's so deep and so important. [00:17:15] Texture of this silence of stillness and solitude. [00:17:25] What is it? [00:17:28] Light, Expansive. [00:17:33] Warm, Long. [00:17:37] Round. [00:17:40] Endless. [00:17:45] Clean. [00:17:48] Sweet. [00:17:51] Floral. [00:17:55] Smooth. [00:17:57] Soft, Gentle, Steady. [00:18:08] Slow, stretching, flowing, full, vibrant, Connected, Peaceful, centered. [00:18:37] Silence of, uh, stillness. [00:18:41] Silence of solitude. [00:18:48] Different texture of silence. [00:18:53] Silence. What organize your body? [00:18:58] What replenish your body? [00:19:00] Welcoming silence. [00:19:06] Uh, learning to distinguish the silences matters. [00:19:12] We cannot escape them. [00:19:16] Because your body is always sensing something, even when your mind is unsure. [00:19:25] So inquiry for you would be, what texture of silence is my body sensing right now? [00:19:38] Play with this. [00:19:40] Explore this. [00:19:42] Be curious. I wonder what texture of silence is my body sensing when I am with this person? [00:19:55] When I go into my solitude, When I am watching news, what does it know before I do? [00:20:09] What is this silence preparing me for? [00:20:13] Am I welcomed here or tolerated? [00:20:20] Should I stay longer? [00:20:25] Or am, um, I already bracing? [00:20:29] Should I run, escape, speak, Pause? [00:20:35] Should I allow more? So we are remembering our innate instincts. [00:20:47] That's the job of your nervous system. [00:20:51] What is my body reading in this room, with this person, in this country, on this feed, in this meeting, in this relationship? [00:21:09] And this is not paranoia. [00:21:13] This is how many people stop using their intuition because of mocking. [00:21:19] Because facts matter more by who. [00:21:30] It is and both. [00:21:34] So this is not paranoia. This is perception. [00:21:39] And begin by reading the texture of silence. Drop into silence rather than into the noise. [00:21:48] Collective noise. It's collective noise. [00:21:53] What killed are detectors. [00:21:58] And silence is one of the most potent detectors of safety and danger we have. [00:22:06] It is how power is often communicated without words. [00:22:11] It is also how harm announces itself quietly. You can feel the shift. You can feel it's coming. [00:22:22] And it is also how belonging reveals itself Gently, uh, learn to touch and read the textures of silence. [00:22:37] And your mind will follow. [00:22:41] Your thinking will become clearer because it's no longer rushing ahead of your body. [00:22:52] You will gain more clarity. [00:22:56] What's missing is practice and building confidence. [00:23:02] But it's just a muscle we need to build. [00:23:07] It's there, it's just not in use. [00:23:10] And you will know what to do, where to go, where to stay, what to take in, what to leave behind. [00:23:23] And this is not about being right. [00:23:26] It is about being oriented, orienting yourself based on outside and based on inside. [00:23:36] This is what we teach in somatic experiencing. [00:23:42] All therapists know that. [00:23:45] Somatic therapists also. This is how you develop and restore your inner authority through this embodied perception. [00:23:57] That's your innate authority. And also to read, to develop this felt sense of reading, reading the silence. It's a tool of power because you can detect control, you can sense caution, you can recognize social threat, you can resist internalized compliance. [00:24:24] And body that can read those signs is harder to govern through. Because this is different than, uh, being Silenced by power over where you know about unspoken rules that held acknowledgement. Look at that quality of this silence. [00:24:51] That's a silence which has a quality of power over you where you enter the space unspoken rules with held acknowledgment. [00:25:07] We know that silence, how it feels in body, forced quiet, social freezing, right? We don't want to pathologize silence because silence can be both. [00:25:24] It can be danger and it can be a nourishment. And on you, right? The learning is how can we differentiate silence of theory, silence of uncertainty, silence of anticipation. [00:25:43] So we need to teach discernment, not avoidance. [00:25:46] And for trauma survivors, this is crucial because not all quiet is dangerous and not all stillness is dissociation and not all calm is collapse. [00:26:04] And learning those textures allows choice to return to your own inner authority, to your power, to your healing to make a decision and choice from inside of you. [00:26:24] And also why it's so important to go back to the body and uh, leave the noise, leave the noise on social media. [00:26:38] Because when we teach the body to decode before the mind reacts, you will come to the place of your own power and your decision making, how you will respond, not how you will react. [00:26:56] So by this you will learn to notice before you rationalize, to sense before you explain, and to trust before justify. [00:27:12] So look at this, the freedom where you will not need to explain, justify or rationalize anything to anyone because you notice, you sense and you trust that. [00:27:30] And in practical terms, how this helps you, you leave unsafe rooms earlier, you simply don't want to be with that. You don't want to be with that energy. [00:27:42] If you want to use terms energy, you recognize manipulation sooner you recognize scams. [00:27:52] And they are flooded, especially now with AI will be flooded and they are already flooded with sophisticated scams. [00:28:06] But uh, you will be an advantage because you'll be able to recognize and use a critical thinking how? Start with the felt sense. [00:28:23] Also you'll be able to feel danger before it escalates. [00:28:30] One of the gifts of being in the war zone is completely relying on a felt sense of your body. [00:28:41] You'll be able to identify belonging before committing. [00:28:48] This is very big for people who felt betrayed in relationships over and over again. [00:28:58] People with a history of heartbreaks, identifying belonging before committing. [00:29:05] What's the texture of this silence between me and this person? [00:29:11] So in a way this is a harm prevention, not self help. I'm preventing the harm by using my innate intelligence. And in a way our uh, reading and know how to read texture of the felt sense, you bypass judgment you bypass spiritual bypassing and you bypass intellectualization. [00:29:37] So it's allowing a nervous system to stay present without rushing to meaning. And this is especially important for people with complex or development trauma whose systems were punished for meaning making too quickly or for not making any meaning making. [00:30:03] And why is this important? For people with complex trauma, it's critical because many survivors were harmed in silence and body learned silence equal danger. [00:30:18] Quiet equals threat. [00:30:21] Stillness. [00:30:23] Something bad is about to happen. [00:30:31] Yes. [00:30:32] And we want to discriminate. Yes. And so this is important. [00:30:38] Yes. [00:30:39] And we need to use tools to discriminate rather than globally fear silence because there is a, uh, texture of silence which is so nourishing, welcoming, open grounding. [00:31:10] Yes. And because you want to develop ability to notice texture of silence. [00:31:25] What fills your heart, Nourish your soul, welcomes your body where you are vibrant, connected, centered, full, smooth as feather, soft, sweet, expansive, light. You know that quality of silence. And it can be so simple as hugging your dog or smelling your dog M. [00:32:04] Or being cocooned with pillows and cozy blankets, or feeling the texture of silence, of wind on your face. [00:32:17] It can be entering the church. [00:32:25] It m can be silence of your yoga mat. [00:32:33] So inquiry, what is the texture of this silence? [00:32:50] As I, uh, close today, as always, pause, reflect. Be curious. Be curious. [00:33:01] Healing is about gentleness and curiosity. [00:33:06] Gentleness and curiosity. [00:33:11] I am Anna Mael. [00:33:13] This is excellent Rising. [00:33:16] Please share Donate Support Check all the links below and as always, much care. [00:33:31] Much care.